One Day I’m Going to Write a Book

Flush! Rattle, Rattle, Rattle.  Click-Squeak! 

My office sits directly above the men’s bathroom.  Therefore, I am the first point of contact whenever anyone is experiencing a bowel movement crisis.  In addition, because the smell instantly travels up through stainless steel pipes and seeps through the hardwood floors, I receive the first smell-ification that the crisis is over.  I swear the smells sometime come into my office like smoke signals.  From the adjoining room, I hear the Febreeze being sprayed.  Being that Salina’s office is attached to my office, she is also attached to the unpleasantries.  Beep!  My intercom sounds from an inter-office call.

“Ms. James.  Can you please come down to my office?” Mr. Howell asks.

“Because…” I beep in to his intercom and ask.

“Because (he rings back) I need for you to take a look at something.”

I get up from my desk.  Roll my eyes, shaking my head at Salina who is hovered over, holding her stomach, quietly laughing out loud as I drag by and walk out of the door to begin my walk of doom.

Mr.  Howell really is not a horrible man.  His main issue is that of insecurity between he and his wife and his dire desperation for attention. I’ve never wanted a man like that or any friend around like that for that matter.  I kind of understand.  Sure.  Ms. Howell is the most sought after attorney is South Georgia.  Sure.  Ms. Howell is the HOTTEST attorney and winner of Ms. Taliaferro 2003. But, to give Mr. Howell credit, HE was the one who fathered the now-illegitimate, secret-not-so-secret son.  They say a baby will sometimes save a marriage.  I suppose they meant when you have a baby WITHIN the marriage–with each other.  The child accomplished Mr. Howell’s goal, though.  Mr. Howell wanted more attention from Ms. Howell–he darn sure got her attention.  She watches him day and night.  And, since she makes the money and controls the money, and is paying the child support for the little bundle of joy, MISTER Howell makes no move without the prior consent and authorization of MISSUS Howell.

I promise..one day, I’m going to write a book about my life in this office.