Lord, Take Care of Your Baby
Well, Keith has officially got me off task. Now, I’m supposed to be thinking about something. I start to drift…again..and just as I begin to push the Google Chrome icon on my monitor I remember a couple of days ago, at this very moment, when I received a notification on my cell phone. Every muscle in my heart hoped it is from this new guy that I met a half-year ago who just NOW has reached out, but I believe in keeping hope alive. Instead it was my AJC news update notification: “AJC Breaking News: Celebrated Poet, novelist and civil-rights activist, Maya Angelou, has died at age 86.” I know I had a reaction. I mean, I know something happened, but I can’t remember what. My heart stopped beating for what seemed like a lifetime. I remember when I first felt phenomenal. I would love to say that it was at a recital of some sort, but this isn’t that kind of story. The first time I felt phenomenal was while watching Poetic Justice with Janet Jackson, Tupac Shakur and Regina King. What an AllStar cast that was. I remember replaying the VHS over and over again so I could stand in the mirror with my box braids and listen to the quote as I admire who and what I am–Phenomenal. I researched the poem and found I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. I was instantly smitten with this woman. She became my grandmother. I had two, but she became my honorary grandma. Wow. Grandma Maya is gone. It seems as though all of my generation-changers are leaving quick and in a hurry. I know it has been over two years since the loss of Whitney–my AUNT Whitney–but, I still cry whenever I think of her. I wish I could have reached out to her and hugged her and told her how much of a difference she makes in MY life. I could care less about what the tabloids say she is. I know her soul is more than a tabloid post. I want to hold so many famed people–except Miley Cyrus–she needs a mother’s whoopin’!
I look at the clock on my monitor that reads 11:45. Generally, I like to wait for Ms. Howell to return to the office before I step foot out. I like to ensure that everything is done and she has everything right where she wants them to be. So, I grab the mail from this morning and begin finishing sorting everything out. Nothing exciting or new except for a few envelopes from various surrounding Court systems. I stand up and begin to walk out of my office, past Salina, to put the mail in the brown, plastic memo and mail holder on Ms. Howell’s closed, wooden door. Salina has been awfully quiet today.
“Hey Luvy, you okay?” I ask as I take one step out of the office, drop the mail in and step back inside.
“I’m good, I may need to take a few weeks off to get some things straightened in my life. Things are just going on from every side and I simply must take a me moment and work on it.” Salina says with watery eyes.
I can really tell that she is going through a difficult time. She always comes to me when the time is right. If she isn’t speaking up, now, something is dreadfully wrong.
“You know I can’t live without you.” I say as I open my arms for her to stand up and come hug me. As she walks up, the tears begin to fall. I hug her and tell her that it is going to be okay. Whatever it is. In my gift, I can sense this feeling of departure. Who comes BACK to the past once they have cleared issues in their life? I hug her as if it is the last hug I will ever get. Now, I’m crying with her.
“Is there anything I can do? I mean, can I make you laugh? I will hug you until I hug the hurt away, I promise. What babygirl, can I do? I softly ask as I hug her while rocking back and forth. The hardwood floor making its squeak, squeak with each rock.
She steps away, looks at me mustering up a smile and say, “You have done all you can. You have done so much and I will never forget you. I want to come back, but I will need time and I need to get some things straight in my life. I can’t focus on home and work. But, for now, one more hug, okay?” She hugs me tighter than she’s ever hugged me before. I once again, realize that, although we spend thirty-three percent or more of our day together, this job, this environment, this time is not our life. The majority of us are living and enduring hardships here just in the mere hopes that we may have a better life when we leave these four walls. We try the cliche “Leave your work at work and your home at home,” but who can ACTUALLY do that? When I go to work, all my family has the direct number to my desk. And even if they can’t reach me there, they are texting and/or calling me on my cell phone. There is no escape from your outside world. Jobs have become so “dog-eat-dog” and “crabs in a bucket” that employees are self-conscious about what they will have to face tomorrow at work. It seems to never be a day’s rest or peace. And business owners-true successful business owners–put in more hours than any standard 9-5. Then, at that level, the business owner has multiple customers to deal with–multiple personalities, multiple budgets, multiple issues–multiplicity rules.
And here. My baby sister in Christ. Going through so much that she has to walk away.
I rub her head, caressing her long beautiful hair, as the loving “big sister” I am and squeeze her back–knowing that there is nothing else left for me to do. So, I close my eyes, look up to heaven, open and them and mutter, “Lord, take care of your baby.”