Boss-Paralegal Counseling Session. Price–1 King-Sized Kit Kat

I look over at Shondra, relaxing in my over-sized chair in my office.  There must be something very powerful about this chair.  Whenever anyone sits down in it, they begin to speak as though I will be able to solve all of their problems.  It’s almost as if people come in, have a seat and instantly, we are “Paging Dr. Danni.”  I feel for my boss lady, sorta.  She not only has the cares of her world on her shoulders, but she has the cares of the world around her resting in the palms of her hands, as well.  Regardless of whether she is stressfree or a worrylord, she still radiates control and poise.  It is amazing how, even her slouch has a “come hither” appeal to it.  Wait!  I’m sounding to girl-crushy.  Wait!  Shondra is actually talking about something.

“Danni, please.” Shondra says persistently.  “I swear.  Talking to you is like talking to a two-year old child with balloons in her hands, or better yet, a cat with wind blowing and loose grass around.”

“I’m so sorry.”  I say, assuringly.  “I’m back.”  To comfort her and guarantee my undivided attention, I turn my chair around, place my hands in my lap and nod, approvingly.  Yes.  All attention is now on Shondra Howell…Wait.  When did I get that spot on the wall?  Has it always been there?  

“I think I am about to try to rent out Knotch’s space.  She is rarely here anyways.  I think it would be more beneficial to utilize the office as a virtual office.  What do you think?  I mean, I’m paying for her, anyways.  So, technically, it’s my office and I can do what I want, right?”  Shondra pauses with a long sigh of discontent and stares up at the ceiling.  I can tell this is my cue to interject some statement of wisdom.

“Shondra,”  I say as I turn my eyes and concentration on Shondra from the spot on the wall that turned out to be a small knat-fly.  I know this because when Shondra sighed in the air, the spot fell, moved or flew away. “I am unsure at what you want me to say.  It sounds as if you have already gone through the rationalizations on your own.  True, it is your office.  True, you have other options available, but I think you are more concerned with looking like the bad guy than actually kicking Carolyn out.

Not much is said about Carolyn Knotch.  She is basically just a title on a door.  Periodically, she will come in and collect her mail.  Her office is downstairs. Next door to Keith’s office.  Periodically, Judge Hambrick will come in and use her office for a meeting or “other” rendezvous.  Knotch became partner after she helped a Falcon player win custody of his children after he caught his wife cheating with one of the cheerleaders.  The case practically purchased her office.  Now, like Keith, Carolyn’s fame is dwindling like residue ice after a snow-storm.  I am beginning to think the downstairs is for the temp-to-perm positions.  Outside of Larry Howell, (who, clearly, isn’t going anywhere) any one who comes into this office, with an office downstairs, has one foot in an office and the other in the unemployment office.  I suppose that is why my office is upstairs–to make it harder for me to leave.

“That’s why there are so many names in this one-man–or woman–establishment.  Sure, Carolyn and KEITH had great cases, but they are one-hit wonders.  Now, they clean up your scraps and you have to work twice as hard to pay for EVERYONE!.”  God must have deemed this my opportunity for a brief come-to-Jesus meeting–and I am taking IT.  So, I continue.  I can tell she is really considering what I am saying.  It is really resignating with her.  She’s doing that tongue-in-cheek thing.  Yet, another thing that makes Shondra awesome.  Most people fidget when they are nervous, put on the spot or thinking.  There is a clear, concise tell-tell sign.  Not Shondra.  You can barely tell her tongue is in her cheek.  She basically just rubs the tip of her tongue up and down her lower incisor–subtle and oh so smooth.  But, since I have her attention, I continue.

“Shondra.  The fact is, we can have one hundred different names for this firm–and if you keep at it, we will be there soon”

“Shut up” Shondra interjects while chuckling.

Laughing with her and thrilled that I lightened the mood, I continue “But, no matter whose name is on the front of this building, this is still your firm–without you, we don’t exist.  I like my premium, Indian weave too much to just let you go, easily.  Carolyn is different from Keith.  Keith really wants to make it.  He is really trying to put forth effort.  He has no control over the cases, but he does have initiative.  Now, Carolyn.  That chick has a rich, Korean short man in her life–this is a hobby, a retired judge-mom and a college Dean as a dad–this place is a hobby.  She stops in to say that she came, but nothing was there for her–and she leaves.  You paying for her pit-stop is all you are doing.  So, yes, I say rent it out as a virtual office.  Why do you have to tell her?  Do it for the Vine!”

“You so stupid.”  Shondra says while rising from the chair.  “I ain’t gone do it.  LOL!  I see what you are saying.  I just hate to feel like I am being taken advantage of.  I take my job so seriously.  I can’t imagine being a grown woman depending on everyone else to make my ends meet.  I thought I saw potential in her.  I dunno.”  She says while sighing and exiting the office.  “I guess I have a virtual office for rent.  You’ll work on that advertisement for me, will you?”

“You can count on me!”  I say sarcastically, with a smile and two thumbs up.  I yell out,  towards Shondra, who seems to be walking suspicously slow through the vestibu—Roger’s Office. “But, keep her name  on the door and on the building.  If something happens, we can split the payments three ways.  Of course, I say three because.” 

“Quiet, Danni!” Shondra yells back.  

We are so professional around here.  I pause and look at the clock. You got to be kidding me!  Four-fourty-five–Where did my time go?  I look down at my King-sized KitKat.

One KitKat, one boss-paralegal counseling session–paid in full.